Lately, I've been thinking, if Kerstin could talk, I know this little girl would be as sassy as they come, she's that already.
If Kerstin could talk, walk, sit on her own, dress herself, do the things other children do, I would not have to go to school with her everyday. I wouldn't have to worry so much because, if something went wrong, anywhere, she could tell me! If she could dress herself, it would not take us so long to leave the house and we wouldn't have to start hours before its time for us to leave.
If Kerstin could feed herself, there would be no need for the g-tube, the Kangaroo pump for continuous overnight feedings, all the boxes of Mic-Key sets, the bolus syringes, the feeding bags or Pedisure that has taken over a corner of our kitchen.
If Kerstin could walk, I would not have to load and unload a 59 pound wheelchair everyday, then lift her in and out of our vehicle.
If Kerstin could sit on her own, there would be no need for a car seat, she could even ride in the front seat with me. I still may do that, once I've consulted her therapist and see if the car seat can be installed in the front passenger seat!
I could go on and on...but, there's no need to. We are living the life we were intended to. We are in the postition that we need to be in for this time.
If all of these things were reversed and Kerstin was another child... I would not be the person I am today. I would not have found this voice to speak up when things are not right for children and adults with disabilities. I would not have found the voice to be the advocate that I am.
If Kerstin had been another child...I would be silent and things would not have taken place the way they have.
I like to sing (or try) along to these lyrics to Kerstin, she knows it and I have to always remember these words myself...
"When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are..."
*After the Super Bowl last night, I knew I had to add this song, if you could have seen her smile...*