Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Seizures Suck!


   "Seizures Suck!"  If you have a family member or if you know someone who has a seizure disorder or is diagnosed, you have probably heard them say those words or have seen them around.  They are so true.  Seizures suck the life out of a party so to speak.  The day or night may be going along smoothly, then out of nowhere...SEIZURES happen and literally suck the joy from the moment. 

     Kerstin's first seizure (first visible one anyway) was April 15, 2004.  That is a night I won't forget for some time.  Since then I can't even begin to count the number of seizures she has had.  However, it is a fact that the older my daughter has gotten, the more frequent her seizures have been happening.  At first, they were spaced by days, weeks even months, not anymore.  I can tell you that we are blessed enough to say that she is not having them on a daily basis like so many with the diagnosis.  

     On Monday, February 15 we were once again at Children's Hospital for another neurological appointment.  My oldest sister went along with us to this seemingly routine appointment and I jokingly told her that I hadn't been on the other wing of the hospital since Kerstin had been discharged after that month long stay.  Right off the elevator we even bumped into a former nurse practitioner that worked with Kerstin's orthopedic specialist, chatted with her for a minute and rushed off to the appointment.  

     Once in the back, Kerstin and I snapped a few pics, she's always camera ready :))  Nurse comes in first and we share seizure activity since the last appointment, talked about sleep pattern and routine question and answer.  Later, the doctor comes in and routine checks are done, we go into detail about seizure activities and how long they last.   Kerstin is a growing young lady, Dr.  talked all about hormonal changes, progesterone, Depo-Provera, ovulation, cycles and the numerous common female changes that can in fact increase seizure activity.  

     Also, noted was the need to have an updated MRI study done as well as the need for a sleep and seizure study.  Okay.  "I need to have all of these done before we consider the Depo shots and to rule out the need for any epilepsy surgery." says the doctor.  The stunned mommy in me, couldn't even ask details on "epilepsy surgery".  There will be no need for that.  Yet, in my mind I am still thinking that the sleep study, seizure study and MRI would be an overnight process...NO!  We are now mentally preparing for a week long stay in our former apartment building called- Children's Hospital of Alabama-Birmingham!  

The journey continues...grow with us!

More to come... and yeah,

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


     "Inside Out"!  We really enjoyed the feelings and emotions of "Riley".  Really cute movie!  

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Birthday Love!

     Yes, we are in the midst of another birthday for my darling child!  December 17, 2001 my life changed, and it did so for the better.  I went from a naive young lady, not too concerned about how things were in the world, admittedly a little selfish at times, to a woman that cares so much for the little girl that has changed my life and the lives of so many family, friends and loved ones near and far.  Kerstin is loved so much!  I cannot express fully the love she is shown over and over and over!  

     I feel so blessed to be called "Kerstin's mommy"!  I have said so many times that this little girl has changed my life, she has forced me to grow in ways I would have never thought.  This year, I am so thankful and at the same time a bit saddened.  This is the first year that Kerstin is celebrating a birthday without her Granny!  

Moments after giving birth to Kerstin, she was in my mom's arms.  
Hours after Miss Kerstin arrived; three generations. 

Two weeks  after her birth; at her first doctor's appointment. 

     The lady that walked into the hospital with me and did not leave until her children went home.  It is hard being a mom without the support and encouragement from my mom yet, we are going to make the most of it and celebrate life.  My mom would have it no other way.  She was always so supportive and was there for her children however and whenever she needed them.  Couldn't ask for a better mom! 

     So, here we are 14 years later, and everyday is a new step on our journey.  There have been some days, when I thought I wanted to just completely give up.  The words of wisdom from my mom always ring in the back of my mind, "You may give out but don't give up!"  

     Things that I am not giving up on:  the love I have for Kerstin, advocating for children and adults with special health and educational needs, faith, and  overall hope!  As we celebrate Kerstin's birthday and the holidays, we are filled with mixed emotions but, love outweighs them all.  

     So, Happy Birthday to the best child I know!  The love of my life, my joy, my reason for doing a lot of the things that I do.  I'm looking forward to more of this journey of Growing With Kerstin, we have a lot to do!

Happy Birthday, my wonderful child!!!


Sunday, September 20, 2015

Friday, September 18, 2015

Our journey!

     I have not made a post since the Fireworks post back in early July.  Well, so much has transpired since July 4th weekend and the post.  I don't even know exactly where to start but, with everything, you have to start somewhere.  

     So, July 25th is where I will start.  That is the day of the Alabama Angels Pageant.  As I prepare this post, I realize that I have yet to open the email containing Kerstin's official pageant pictures.  They will come later!
The day was beautiful, it was a very hot day but it was so beautiful for all of the participants and their families.  Kerstin had a crew of supporters as usual.  The day was not only beautiful it was a lot of fun.  We got home and I just had to show my mom and oldest sister the pics from the day, since they didn't attend.  First I had to get Kerstin settled and into something cool and comfy.  Blessed to live next door to my mom's I walked over to show her the many pictures from the day.  

     Mom was so excited to see her youngest granddaughters hanging out with Kerstin on this beautiful Angels Day.  We took pictures from the arrival at the church, Kerstin changing into her formal dress, getting her hair fluffed by my sister and Kerstin's Guardian Angel, to make up and definitely on the stage.  It was a thrill to show my mom.  My regret about that afternoon, I didn't take Kerstin into my mom's; Kerstin was so tired and hot, I wanted to her to relax a bit.

Pageant ready; Snowflakes and Dreams

     The next day, July 26th.  I am up on my Sunday morning routine of checking on mom, she is already in the kitchen about to have breakfast.  So, this is where we will sit and chat about Kerstin, the pageant again and life...whatever comes up.  We sat for a long time that morning talking, mom asked me to help her get back in bed before I left.  She said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to lay in bed for a while.  About an hour later my mom was being rushed to the ER by my youngest sister!  Almost 2 months later I am still numbed by how quickly life changed that weekend.

July 27th at 9:25 a.m., I stood outside of an ICU room and watched things I've only seen in movies and on TV take place and finally hearing a doctor say "Time of death" and was talking about the woman that knew me best, the one who instilled so much in me, who took care of me and my child!  Those three words signaled the end of her in the physical.  

     As we sat there trying to come to terms with things, I felt the urge to walk around to the therapy center where Kerstin goes to cancel her appointment that would have been that Wednesday.  As I was walking, I bumped into one of the therapist and she stopped and asked if I was okay? NO! She told me after I informed her of what was going on, that anytime she hears the "Code Blue", whatever she is doing, she always stops and says a prayer for the patient and family.  This time she said, she had no idea that she was praying for Kerstin's family!

     Not only did I feel the need to cancel therapy,  I also questioned how could I tell Kerstin what was going on and that she would not be able to see her Granny anymore.  How could I do this in a way that my child would understand?  I still don't know if I have done it in an okay way.  I have shown her pictures and videos yet every time we go to Granny's house, Kerstin always looks at that chair where she would be sitting and it breaks my heart to know that she is still looking for her! 

     We are almost two months into this new reality and it still seems like it is July 27th.  So, our journey now includes grief and many firsts.  I just had my first birthday without getting the one call/birthday wish I could count on even if no one else said anything, that was extremely hard as well.  We are still growing on this journey! 

Our angel, may she rest well!

 An update on those fireworks and seizures is coming next...

Wednesday, July 8, 2015


    So, Independence Day weekend 2015 has come and gone.  Barbecues, cookouts and fireworks!  Kerstin has always enjoyed all of the colors lighting up the night skies.  There were heavy storms and lots of rain on July 4th so fireworks were put on hold until the next night.  I checked with little miss bossy to see if she wanted to go out.  She smiled and looked up, to signal "Yes".  She was excited!

     As soon as they start...her eyes were closed, very tightly too!  The entire time we were talking to her, asking if she would open her eyes, telling her that she was missing the fireworks.  All to no avail, she didn't open them until she was back inside.  This interesting night seems to have not ended!  Kerstin has barely slept over 8 hours in the past 48 plus hours!  

     This called for another call to her neurologist.  His nurse had two questions for me:  Has she been sick?  No.  Was it that time of the month?  No.  Has she been around fireworks? YES!  My family and I had come to the conclusion that the flashing lights and the sounds had triggered something in her, since she never opened her eyes.  The nurse said that they have had a number of children that have been disturbed by fireworks.

     Speaking of that "time; we are already in a "monitoring" phase because the past two months we've had obvious hormonal changes.  The neurologist wants us to keep an eye for activity and possible catamenial epilepsy/seizures.  Oh the joys of growing and changing! 

     I really hate that they had a negative affect on her this time.  Like I said before she has always, always loved fireworks and they have never worked on her nerves.  Melatonin is the only thing the neurologist recommends for a sleep aid for his patients.  She was put on melatonin years ago and started to sleep better with the occasional events of lack of sleep. 

     Now, we've gone with her waking up at 2;30 a.m. on Monday morning and staying awake the entire day, until 6:30 p.m.  Only to wake again at 9:30 p.m. and stay awake until 1 a.m. and back up at 4:45 this morning.  She did take a nap, if we can call it that, around 5:30 this afternoon.  Guess what time she was awake again?  6:15 p.m.!!  As I type, it is 10:35 p.m. and she is wide awake.  I can't deny it, we've gotta go ahead and restart our friend, Melatonin!

More to come, 

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Not a seizure free weekend!

     This Memorial Day weekend was very different from those of the past.  It didn't start out that way!  It seemed like it would be uneventful.  Saturday was spent mostly indoors watching movies, Sunday was the opposite.  Kerstin wanted to show me that she is the boss in these parts and I jokingly said that she was fussing at me about something throughout the day.  I was in and out of the house because I was working in the yard, trying to be a gardener!  

     Sunday night took a sudden turn!  I was sitting in one room finishing up an assignment for class when I heard Kerstin making a light moaning sound.  I ran in to check on her, only to find that she was not alert and had that look as if she was looking pass or through me.  The left side of face was twitching, then nothing!  She seemed okay and alert, only to turn her head and everything started again.  This happened over and over. 

     I always keep my cell handy to time her seizures and now to access my new favorite app; SeizAlarm.  I found the app last month after Kerstin had a seizure.  I couldn't fall asleep after it was over so, I just started reading about seizures and stumbled across a jewel.  I wrote about it here.  If you or a family member or friend has a seizure disorder, Epilepsy, you should have this as a resource.  It works and makes the emergency contacts for you, with a map of where you are!

     After, I opened the app, it immediately made the contacts for me, within minutes my sisters were with us.  Kerstin had to be given her Diastat because the clusters had gone on over five minutes.  So, we wait to see what's next!  What happened was scary and not something you get used to.  Kerstin went into a full grand mal clonic-tonic seizure with loss of alertness, vomiting, full body jerks!   That brand new suction machine we just picked up Friday had to be put to work!  

     This seizure was relentless!  It completely took over my baby's body, her eyes were so red, her body so stiff and uncontrollably jerking.  It was only adrenaline that kept me from screaming and crying.  More Diastat had to be given.  We called Children's Neurology and the on call doctor advised to take her to the ER since they had not stopped after 2 rounds of Diastat.  

     There, they performed urinalysis, blood work, CT scan and chest X-ray, to all come back normal!  There was no fever!  What caused this?  That is a mystery!  We will have to follow up with her regular neurologist "ASAP" per the ER doctor.  He seemed just as puzzled as I.  He said, he just didn't see anything out of the ordinary with the tests they performed.  He did order a level to check her Keppra levels.  That could be done in the ER and had to be sent to another lab. 

     Memorial Day, we left the ER at 7 a.m. so, needless to say, they remainder of the day would be spent sleeping.  That is what we did.  For the first time in my 30+ years, I didn't spend this holiday with the family and I did not see my own mom!  This seizure activity took a lot out of Kerstin too.  She was probably awake for an hour or two at most on Monday.  Now, we wait!  Wait to see what her neurologist has to say...

Definitely more to come...