I must admit that I have selfish thoughts when it comes to death. Since Kerstin came into my life 13 years, 1 month and 11 days ago and my entire outlook on life has changed forever. I cannot imagine my life without Kerstin and I can't even comprehend her living a life without me! One of those may happen, sadly. Back to my selfish thoughts, I have prayed at times, that when that time comes, that it be in a manner that we could leave this earthly home together. I can't imagine the heartache it may cause my family but, it can't possibly compare to that of Kerstin or myself to have to live without each other.
|With Kerstin in Selma at the Edmund Pettus Bridge|
So, I thought about writing a letter to my sweet daughter.
My sweetest Kerstin,
I have loved you more than my own life. You have meant the world and more to me. Words can't fully express the love that I have for you, my sweet girl! This journey we have been on together has been one of many ups and downs, some pains but great joys. When I was pregnant with you, I imagined a life much different than the one we have lived.
I hope that I have shown you a smidget of the love that I have for you. I have loved the cold winter days when you didn't got to school and we sat watching whatever animated, you not wanting to share your blankets. I have loved taking you to the movies and you ignoring me completely once the lights went down. I love the way you stare at me until I looked at you only to poke your tongue at me. Your laugh, I just love hearing you laugh so hard that you begin to shake.
Kerstin, you made me look at life differently! Before you, I never thought about things like accessible parking, hand rails in bathrooms, ramps, inclusion and so much more. I never knew that I would be required to do and learn so much in order to take care of you. I would not change any of the things we have endured together. The many surgeries and hospital stays only made us stronger! You have been a true example of strength and courage sweet girl.
I love you darling! No one can say that I didn't do what I could to be a voice for you. You have been my life! We are forever together!
Loving you always and forever,
So, I can only hope that, if I should leave this place before or without my daughter, someone would read this letter to her and continuously remind her that her mommy loved her to no end!