 |
| Photo by: Judy Barranco |
Recently, I
have been really thinking about the now and then. Now and then meaning life and death. I cannot lie, it is deeply horrifying to me
to even phantom and it bothers me just as deep to think about. Recently, I saw a post shared on Facebook
from Mombie Needs Coffee titled “Will I Die Before My Special NeedsChild…” It made me go back and read my own postings
from 2014: “Life Expectancy…Do you wonder? Do you ask?” and “Not all moms share the same secrets”. About a year after those posts, my mom passed
away suddenly. I remember standing in
the waiting room at the hospital after she was gone thinking, “How could I
explain this to Kerstin?” “Will she
understand that she would no longer see her Granny?” Even when we are fondly looking at pictures
of mom, I wonder what she’s thinking, seeing her in pictures and never seeing
her in person even when we have family gatherings.
By now we have all seen in the news recently the coverage of
the helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant, his daughter and 7 others. They were parents, they died with their
children and even left children and families behind. My thoughts go out to all the victims and
their families. This tragic event got me
to thinking once again about now and then.
Hearing of the parents onboard, dying with one of their children. I thought of them having partners or spouses
and possibly other children at home.
That meant that those left behind had another to look after the other
children. It also made me think about
single parenting; what if one of these people were a single parent and left a
child to be cared by others. Or, if they had been single with only one child
and their child was onboard that flight too.
I do not know if it is natural to think like I have for so
many times, that whenever that times comes, I do not want to be left without
Kerstin and I do not want her to be left without me. Sometimes, I just keep selfishly
thinking that the two of us dying at the same time would be better. Better for who? For
that to happen, it would probably be sudden and tragic. That ending would be one that is sure to devastate
our family and friends.
You see, I cannot imagine a life without Kerstin and I cannot
imagine her life without me. Will she be
cared for the way she is used to? Will
others have the patience and understanding that I have grown to have. She needs around the clock care for all her
daily living needs. I will not lie; it
is no easy journey.
I know that this is not something “typical” families think
of on a regular basis if, at all. They
may not even prepare beyond wills and life insurance in the event of their own
demise. Raising a child with special
needs leaves parents thinking of the daily to dos of doctors, specialists,
school, therapies then there is their life insurance and that of the
child, wills, guardianship, power of attorney
and quite possibly some things that I cannot even think of right now.
We want to make sure that they enjoy and are good and kind beings.
We do all that all that we can to make
sure our children are loved and cared for. Life is for living- the easy and
hard. We must navigate the hills, curves
and valleys as we approach them.
 |
| Photo by: Judy Barranco |
More to come...
