A letter to Kerstin

     The mere thought of this post bought tears to my eyes.  It is about the inevitable, that one thing that no man can escape.  No matter the exercise routines, the meds and vitamins we take daily; they may aid in prolonging and making this life a little better and healthier.  They just cannot keep us here forever.  Death is that thing we will face and we can't get around that. 

     I must admit that I have selfish thoughts when it comes to death.  Since Kerstin came into my life 13 years, 1 month and 11 days ago and my entire outlook on life has changed forever.  I cannot imagine my life without Kerstin and I can't even comprehend her living a life without me!  One of those may happen, sadly.  Back to my selfish thoughts, I have prayed at times, that when that time comes, that it be in a manner that we could leave this earthly home together.  I can't imagine the heartache it may cause my family but, it can't possibly compare to that of Kerstin or myself to have to live without each other. 

     

With Kerstin in Selma at the Edmund Pettus Bridge

     So, I thought about writing a letter to my sweet daughter. 

My sweetest Kerstin,

     I have loved you more than my own life.  You have meant the world and more to me.  Words can't fully express the love that I have for you, my sweet girl!  This journey we have been on together has been one of many ups and downs, some pains but great joys.   When I was pregnant with you, I imagined a life much  different than the one we have lived.  

     I hope that I have shown you a smidget of the love that I have for you.  I have loved the cold winter days when you didn't got to school and we sat watching whatever animated, you not wanting to share your blankets.  I have loved taking you to the movies and you ignoring me completely once the lights went down.  I love the way you stare at me until I looked at you only to poke your tongue at me.  Your laugh, I just love hearing you laugh so hard that you begin to shake.  

     Kerstin, you made me look at life differently!  Before you, I never thought about things like accessible parking, hand rails in bathrooms, ramps, inclusion and so much more.  I never knew that I would be required to do and learn so much in order to take care of you.  I would not change any of the things we have endured together.  The many surgeries and hospital stays only made us stronger!  You have been a true example of strength and courage sweet girl. 

     I love you darling!  No one can say that I didn't do what I could to be a voice for you.  You have been my life!  We are forever together!  

Loving you always and forever,

Your Mommy!


     So, I can only hope that, if I should leave this place before or without my daughter, someone would read this letter to her and continuously remind her that her mommy loved her to no end!